I'm hurting

Inside...

My heart hurts..

im sad, and im so very happy at the same time.

I need to run away.

I wish I could.

I'd leave everything behind, nad only miss like 5 people.

Idk how long i can do this....

"fake" thing that were doing. I dont know how many more fights I can go through.

Oh, and you know I'd never say anything to you.

Thats why your still wanting to be with her.

You didnt take me seriously.

I wasnt lying. I wasnt joking. This wasnt a JOKE.

You liked a boy. You Still Like a Girl.

I guess I'm done.

I'm sure you dont mind.

You've been acting weird lately.

We dont even talk like we were ever friends anymore.

I'm probably too protective of you.

Go ahead and date a girl who lied and cheated on you.

and denied it.

[I may have before, but I was 15, not 20]

And you. Mr. Oz.

I feel as if you dont even want to take to me anymore.

I have sent you messages. Nothing back.

I miss you guy.

You were one of the greatest friends, that I've ever had,

and I still feel the same way.

I hope that your doing okay out there.

Becareful.

I cant protect you from the hearts of females anymore.

Your a big boy, though.

You'll be great.

And you.

STOP TALKING SHITTY TO ME.

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.

God I miss him already.

He's too good of a friend to me.

I wish he didnt have to go back.

My cousin is a badass btw.

dear diary

Is it wrong that I'm jealous? I dont know what to feel anymore. Am I happy anymore? I'm reading a new book. It's called "Go Ask Alice". It's a wonderful book. I'm awefully confused lately. Everyones life is turning out to be something beautiful, and I'm stuck.

No one is helping me anymore. I'm losing my insurance, and im freaking out. No one will hire me. I'm starting school soon. Actually i dont know if im going to just yet. I dont know if im ready.

My mom is moving in with her new boyfriend. Its weird. She's running out on her family yet again..

I miss carli and Randall. They always made everything better. Oh how I long to be with them both again, though I know it'd never be the same.

I guess I have to live this life on my own.

Alone?

I miss my bedroom.

Ohhhh

FUCK YEA! Start the count down to the Carli's Birthday EXTRAVIGANZA BABY!

You really have no idea how excited i am. I miss you.

:oh more than I should" I've said to you.

do you understand?

More than I think you know.

Kain is a little over 7 months now.

I'm hopefully about to get a job at spencers. If I do, I'm only going to be making 6.55 an hour but in may it goes up to 7.55 and money is money ya know?

I need a car.

I got a new tattoo. It's an Ankh thats hot pink (the breast cancer hot pink) with a green burst behind it. It's very pretty.

My mom got rid of gary.

and I'm sleepy.

I have SOOOOO much to do tomorrow.

<3

I'm just not happy anymore..

Whats wrong with me? I just want to cry all the time.. This isnt me.

I feel like a little bug, inside of a huge fish tank, getting no where, but doing hundreds of circles.. I have a good life right? Why is it that I just dont want in it anymore? I just want something by myself. I want to be alone.

Who me? Actually yes. I'm tired of being around people.. maybe this soul searching thing was a mistake.. Maybe looking for that "perfect someone" was a mistake. Maybe I am supposed to be alone, just because I'm happier that way. I need to get away with my good ol' pal Captain Morgan, and him and I need to have a nice two day talk.

I havnt smilied the way I used to in a long time.. I'm mopey and gloomy all the time. I dont get dressed up anymore. I dont see my friends or family anymore. It's not fair to them, that I feel like I cant go see them, because Cole doesnt like them. I'm alone with everyone around.. I want to see my friends. If I woudnt feel bad afterwards, I'd say HEY LETS ROLL but I know I wouldnt hear the end of that one..

I just want to live again. I want my own house/ apartment. My own car. My own life. I dont want to share it anymore.

Cole is trying to hard to make it work between us, but I dont know if I want it to.

ugh...

i need a cuddle hug..

Does it matter?

that I miss you?

That I feel really bad for missing you so..

I want to feel you again.

The way you used to hold me.

Kiss me.

Look at me.

Im lost.

I need to cry. I need to scream. I need to yell at her for being so stupid.

I want to hit someone.

I want to hurt something.

I wish things were the way they used to be.

Were not fighting anymore.

which is good.

Only bad thing is that its.. the same thing. all the time.

ahh if you only knew what I thought. This post is about 3 or 4 people. I am just a pussy and cant face my fears.

I got my tounge pierced.

I pierced my nose.

I asked Dustin Mathis if I could apprentice with him, and he said he isnt ready to teach someone because they just opened the shop.

I guess thats understandable, I just really was hoping he'd say yes.

So I guess kristy is comming voer today. Fatty and crews are too.

I dont really want to be around anyone.

you know, Im glad I didnt get my hopes up to see you, because it didnt happen. It never happens.. We never talk, so I guess thats what we get for trying to be close.

my cats sitting in my lap, and its making my nose itch.

I hear kain kicking his playpen.

now I guess he's crying, so I had better be on my way.

i love you..

.........................